Can friendship survive tragedy?
This is Me Trying is a young adult book by Racquel Marie that explores grief, love and guilt.
Beatriz, Santiago and Bryce were inseparable growing up, even having each others house keys on chains around their necks. When Santiago moves away before high school, their friendship starts to fall apart.
Now it is senior year, and Bryce is gone, Beatriz is known as the 'dead guy's' girlfriend and Santiago has reappeared without saying anything to Bea.
Beatriz doesn't want to reunite with Santiago, after he left her messages unanswered and let her deal with the grief of Bryce taking his own life on her own.
Now she has shaved her head, wears all black cloths and makeup, and stays far away from the friends she used to know. It's a plan to keep herself, and everyone else, protected. She won't let anyone that close again.
Santiago is shocked to see Beatriz is now the town loner, spending most of her time home with her cat. When he tries to approach her, Beatriz chooses to ignore him, making it hard for him to make amends. Santiago knows that Beatriz is missing key information on why he cut her off, but he isn't sure how to tell her after so many years away.
When they start to get drawn back together via circumstance and proximity, they start to share their feelings and secrets in the years that passed. Beatriz is in a darker place that Santiago thought, and Santiago has struggled with thinking his best friend hated him when he died.
This book is a journey in grief, guilt and forgiveness. These characters are teenagers who have been through a lot and are learning to navigate it in their own way, which sometimes isn't always the right away. One of my favorite parts of this story were the parents who were around and involved, trying their best to keep up with where their children were. There are also interactions with the parents that are heartbreaking and raw and I found the book and how it was written really powerful in showing how different people handle grief.
Santiago and Beatriz need to grow passed their secrets together and it turns into a powerful story about learning to move on while also learning to forgive yourself.
This book is a tough one, filled with emotions and traumatic events. I would definitely check out the content warnings before you read if you are sensitive to some of the topics within the story. Make sure to always protect yourself.
Overall, I found both Beatriz and Santiago's point of views really well done, because they both handled things differently while sort of being the same. They held on to a lot as teenagers, but I found the story believable. The story showed how sometimes life isn't the dream we expect it to be, and how the characters need to learn they can move passed this. The story took a lot emotionally and near the end I felt myself just hoping for a bit of a happy ending. When the characters finally choose to shed their emotions and secrets, the story becomes even more powerful in my opinion.
I gave this book a 4/5 stars, but it definitely comes closer to 4.5.
The book is scheduled to be published Apr 16, 2024.
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